Clwb Hoci Eirias Weekly Match Report - March 2025

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Women’s 2

3rd March 2025

Northop Hall Women’s 2 ( 1 v 4 ) Clwb Hoci Eirias Women’s 2

There is a definite “snow and ice” theme to this week’s report.

Half term week for Eirias Hockey means only one thing – most of you go skiing, causing plenty of stress for those of us tasked with trying to get teams together. This week was a classic case of this, with all 3 teams being shorthanded. Because I am a strategic genius, I suggested cancelling the 3s game, allowing gaps in the 1s and 2s to be filled with the players freed up. This contingency plan all depended on the Rydal trip returning from Italy, which was a bit of a toss up as there was a baggage handler strike. Fortunately, they made it to Manchester at midnight on Friday, so the plan swung into action.

2’s regulars Seren, Ella, and Anna were called up to the 1s this weekend to allow them to play with 12 players. Joining the 2s this week would be 3s captain Emily and Chelle, giving us the luxury of a rotating sub. Northop did not seem to appreciate the stunning feat of logistics that we had pulled off and threw an early spanner in the works by telling Charlotte that they had a frozen pitch. This seemed unlikely, as even in darkest Gwynedd it was sunny and bright before I had even set off. By 10am though Northop acknowledged that the sun does indeed exist and that the game could go ahead without issue, possibly as Charlotte offered the diplomatic compromise of them travelling to play in the subtropical conditions at our pitch instead.

The motley batch of 12 arrived at Northop, all donned in under armour, hats, gloves and excess layers, expecting a cold weather scenario after the promise of a frosty pitch. 30 seconds into a warmup it became obvious that was unnecessary, as the temperature was threatening to break into the double figures. A mass removal of said cold weather gear took place, and we were ready to go (including the accidental disturbance of a birthday party – oops!), but not before Northop won the toss and elected to change ends, forcing us to play into the sun during the first half, much to the understandable disgust of Nel.

Eirias lined up with Nel in goal, Carly, Becca, Rachel F, and Martha across the back, Benny, Chelle, Rachel C and Hannah in midfield, with Eve and Charlotte up front. Emily started on the bench, ready to start the rotation of rest breaks after 10 mins. From pushback it was clear that we were the better team – when we had the ball, we were able to move it up the pitch well, but things were scrappy – Northop clogged the middle of the pitch and were playing very narrow. That said, when we did get good possession and put some width on the ball, good things happened. Benny and Emily were able to carry the ball with pace, evading Northop defenders and creating a constant threat to their D. Despite this threat out wide, chances were few and far between in the first half for both sides. The game was being played mostly in Northop’s half, and they looked to hit back on the break. Midway through the first half, that is exactly how they opened the scoring. A speculative driven pass ricocheted at a funny angle off a Northop stick, sending the ball past our defence allowing Northop a clean through chance. Despite Nel closing the shooter down she was able to slip the ball past her to send Northop one up against the run of play. The same scrappy pattern continued for the remainder of the first half, with Eirias players playing slightly out of position not helping matters much, and frustration started to build.

Half time, and Charlotte spelt out a simple message. Calm down, don’t rush, and use the width. Fuelled by Squashies provided by Emily, we lined back up for the second half, with a far more positive outlook. It didn’t take long for things to start going our way. Rachel F started to play further up the field because of how we were dominating possession and territory, and Northop were pinned back in their own half again. Benny and Emily were both untouchable on the wings, with Emily being a menace, waltzing past Northop defenders time and time again. Minutes into the 2nd half we had our first reward. A driven ball from Rachel C hit multiple legs on its way to the D. While Northop stopped expecting a free hit (or sympathy from the pain), the umpire waved advantage, and the ball fell to Eve, open and unmarked for her to drive home. This seemed to energise the Eirias girls even further, leading to our second goal. Carly slipped the ball to Emily at the halfway line, who skinned her marker alive and bolted down the right wing, beating 3 Northop players as she got into the D and towards the goal line. Turing and pulling the ball into a Northop foot earned us a penalty corner. No messing around with this chance – Rachel F stepped up to drive home straight from the injection. 2-1 and things were going our way. The frustration vanished, and people were playing with big smiles on their faces. Northop kept playing narrow, but our midfield contained them with ease and kept feeding the ball to our two wingers who were both putting on a show. Repeated high threat passes into the D led to a Northop goalkeeping error, with a weak kick falling to Charlotte to put away for our 3rd goal. For the last 10 mins, both teams seemed to visibly tire in the sweltering 11oC heat. Eirias had a lucky let off when an umpire noticed that a Northop attacker had used the back of her stick to put the ball into the goal while the Eirias girls waited for a free hit, but other than they, there was minimal threat – save for one penalty corner broken up by Bennys lack of self-preservation in charging the shooter. In the dying moments of the game Hannah made sure of the result with a cheeky dribble of her own into the D and a neat finish past the onrushing Northop goalie. This made it 4-1, a scoreline that reflected the Eirias level of control over the second half.

Northop’s pitch wasn’t the only thing not frozen today, mind you. I got home to find my freezer had decided to stop working. Ah well, the loss of a few fish fingers was totally worth it to see you all play so well.

POTM: Emily

Goal scorers: Eve, Charlotte, Rach F and Hannah

Men’s 1

8th March 2025

Clwb Hoci Eirias Men’s 1 ( 4 v 2 ) Kendal Men’s 1

The boys turned up promptly for their 1:30 push-back, eager to batter (Eirias had become something of a psychotic chippy at this point). What was the catch of the day? Kendal.

You’d have been forgiven for thinking The Jungle™️ had moved to Doha on what was a scorching day. Matt Mahon’s forehead was being used to fry eggs, partly to do with heat, but mostly because of the rage he carries at all times.

The game started quickly with Noakes receiving an aerial from our mortar crew (Lewis) down on our left wing. He trapped the ball and pinged it off their centre backs chest (who was within five yards). Taking the free-hit a good 6 metres from where it should have been and leaving the defenders cries to the umpire in the background, he shuffled into the D and, with a little bit of magic and a little bit of talent, shovelled the ball into the net. 1-0.

Later into the half and the boys had well and truly greased the frier, comfortably passing the ball and besieging the opposition goal. Ash Wills danced his way into the D before sliding the ball across the face of the goal, and who appeared from behind the back-post? Houdini himself, Noakes, caressing the ball in the bottom corner. 2-0.

We battered them and we all felt like this might be a Gwent situation.

Half-time came and went.

G. Klopp: Don’t get complacent. Don’t get complacent. Don’t get complacent.

In the second half Henry decided to finish off his mid-afternoon siesta during a short-corner, watching the ball slowly trickle into the far-corner when a big-boot was probably a better option. Then they scored another. It all happened so fast and the complacency was incredible. Scandalous even.

Cian lost his head. Lewis was away at the shops. Henry was sleeping. Tower 1 had fallen.

All of that was forgotten though, as Ethan scored his own from a short-corner to re-establish the lead. Slipped to him on the left, a bit of pickaxing and slamming the ball goalwards worked wonders. We were battering them again.

Shortly after, Noakes was able to complete his hat-trick with a ball smashed across the face of the goal, applying the deft and final touch to wrong-foot the keeper from behind his back (something a regular occurrence these days). In that excitement, he went on to perform a brilliantly timed-tackle, carefully carving up the opposing players leg and midriff with his body, stick and head. The umpire was so impressed he had to send him off as it was becoming unsporting to leave him on the pitch and the opposition were threatening legal action.

Then Bryndigo was sent off for a similarly timed tackle, caught up in the excitement of day, momentum brought him to another yellow. Down to 9 with 10 minutes to go. Could the boys hang on?

Yes. Easy.

4-2. Masterclass from Noakes.

Bish bash bosh.

Up the ‘Roons!

Goals: Cal x3, Eth x1

Cards: Cal (Yellow x1), Bryn (Green x1, Yellow x1), Lewis (Green x1)

MOTM: Cal

DOTD: Cal

1st March 2025

Clwb Hoci Eirias Men’s 1 ( 3 v 1 ) Winnington Park Men’s 1

St. David’s Day was here and so were Winnington Park, hoping to slay the golden dragon in its own coniferous back-yard. The stage was set, the sun was bright and the air was chilled, much like the Guinness across town. Can the boys in Maroon continue their campaign in style?

A bumper-crowd attended the first match of the day at Eirias Park, with close to 39 people in attendance, those without a ticket were climbing the fence. The atmosphere was like a bear-pit; you couldn’t breathe in the stands and I think it affected the Winnington Park players.

The game started quickly with their long-haired CB throwing a high aerial bombardment down to our back line. Our very own mortar crew (Lewis) returned fire, but more accurate and better generally. This was a theme for the game. We peppered the ball around the top of their D with a couple of half-chances. Josh missed a sitter but the pick of the bunch (i.e the only one I can remember properly whilst writing this) was a missile telegraphed to the backpost by Ash Wills on the half-volley. Unfortunately, nobody was Bonnie Blue in the D; ‘finishing on the net’ eluded us in the first half. Henry made some saves I think? He barely concedes but I think his mere presence just throws attackers off.

There was an atmosphere of scepticism at half-time. We’d battered them (as usual) and felt dominant playing but we needed to score and set a tone, otherwise the enemy might take confidence and begin thinking they were good (they weren’t). Jelly babies consumed, texts to Annie sent and some important words said; the boys re-entered the fray.

Then loads happened.

The first goal came from Josh Chan who basically nine-ironed it out of the defenders calf and shin into the goal. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. “It is going to be easy”, I heard someone say.

M. Yesekaon was convinced there was a friendly player behind him at all times, but after dummying the ball through his legs 3x, the schizophrenia was well-and-truly back, as there was nobody nearby. Gary Klopp cursed from the sideline but we take mental health seriously here so I won’t repeat what he said.

M. Yesekaon did swing a beautiful ball across to Bryn Mbuemo on the backpost moments later for a tap-in.

Oh no. Sorry.

Bryn fluffed his lines like a confused Pablo Escobar.

He ran away with his head low, found his dad and said, “sorry dad,” and kissed him softly as an apology.

At the other end of the field Losington Park scored.

Fantastic news. It’s never easy.

The boys had to turn up the intensity in order to battle back from this. But, like we have done all season, we found a way through. Skevlar scored the second after a brief scramble from a short corner, slotting coolly past the keeper.

Ash rearranged the ground directly next to the ball a couple of times. In fairness, this was with very-light oppositional pressure. He then dropped his stick under the weight of everything being caught in 4K.

Moments later, Josh Chan received the ball from Ci-Diddy on the left, and made his way with purpose to the by-line, dribbling like Ethan around scars (or Chadwick around red-hair), breaking ankles like a juiced-up podiatrist. Cian, who continued his run into D, was in the right place at the right time to alley-oop the ball into the back of the net. Everyone groaned on the sideline as Cian’s head was that rotund already it was dragging on the ground.

By this point, Winnington park were blaming everyone but themselves. Abusing the umpires on the pitch, and being vulgar generally. The umpires were left with no choice but to bring the Christmas spirit to the game, producing cards in abundance. It started with a green for the indiscretion…

Then a yellow-card…

Then a red-card to complete the set.

(“Just shut up, lads,” I heard their embarrassed left-back say)

As the old saying goes:

“It gets hot in the kitchen so if you can’t stand the heat, wind your neck in…...”

As Henry said:

“Why have you taken your stick with you? You don’t need that anymore, Super-sub.”

The game petered out at this point as the red-card reverberated around North West Division 2 Headquarters, the big ‘Chester HC’ flags were gently shaking. The boys kept possession for the remaining minutes, making it another comfortable win.

Their number 29 was left distraught in the car-park, caught by fans on film after receiving his red-card. But, if you play silly games, you win silly prizes bruddah, so you can only look to the mirror. On the bright side, he’s able to take a 3-week holiday and go to some anger-management sessions now.

Overall, well won, well fought performance after a brief scare (but we live for the drama baby). Everyone had their good moments and that’s partially why we’re having the season we’re having (honourable mentions: Oli Pitman - stalwart at the back, Sam Rennie - so good there’s a chant for him, Max Smith - masterful RB, Tom Chadwick - coach extraordinaire and motivator, Terry Boyle - Captain Elephant, Ethan Chan - covers fat cat like ngolo kante, Dylan Madden - reverse stick wizard).

Onto the next, double weekend, double the battering.

Mucho gusto viva maroon.

DOTD: Cal ‘Nicotinho’ Noakes

MOTM: Miles Skev

Goals: Cian, J. Chan, Miles Skev

Women’s 3

15th March 2025

Clwb Hoci Eirias Women’s 3 ( 5 v 0 ) Northop Hall Dev

The women’s 3’s were treated to a lie in this weekend thanks to the luxury of a 3.15 pushback (something I am so unused to I kept on greeting everyone with “morning” despite it clearly being 2.30pm) against long time development rivals Northop Hall in a game that would determine bragging rights for this year. We have definitely been on a great run of form recently, but disruption to our fixtures meant there was the risk of some rustiness creeping in – could we maintain the high standards? Well, spoiler alert – the short answer is yes, and how!

Playing for the 3’s today was resident plane spotter Caitlin in goal, Martha, Vicky, Sophie and Grace across the back, captain Emily, Eryn, and debutant Alice in midfield, with Chelle, Cath, and Lexi starting in attack. Violet took the first break, ready to come on in defence sending Grace up front, with Benny and Ella joining us from the 2’s to give us some real strength in depth.

In the first success of the day, Emily won the toss and elected to change ends. This tactical masterstroke was devised between Chelle, Caitlin, and myself, who reasoned that the sun would be lower later, and less of a pain when Caitlin was trying to count the seagulls. This meant Northop had to cope with the sun in the first half. This seemed to immediately pay off. Simply put, there was only really one team in it from the outset. The ball was firmly pinned into Northop’s half thanks to the tenacity of our midfield trio, and the opposition fell deeper and deeper, clogging the passing lanes with sticks, feet, and legs, and some rough play to disrupt the ball carrying of Emily, Eryn, and Alice. Despite this, the Eirias girls were generating chances from the near total possession they had. Our breakthrough came after 8 minutes. Lexi slid the ball through a gap in the Northop defence to a wide-open Chelle, who released a cannon of a shot. No stopping that, and it was one nil. Moments later Chelle got her second of the game after being played in by Eryn, and it was all smiles as we found ourselves 2 nil up and comfortable. The game turned scrappy for the next 10 mins, but we remained fully on top and in control of things. It took another 10 mins for us to get our 3rd goal, and I claim some credit here. Cath was up next for a breather, and as I yelled for her to switch out, her marker stopped following her (I quote, “that’s not fair – she is supposed to be going off!”). Cath, ever alert, used this distraction to carry the ball strongly into the D before feeding Chelle a perfect cross which she buried to make it 3 nil, and a first half hat trick. The pace then dropped slightly as people tired in the sun, but we nearly added a fourth goal from a big penalty corner shot by Lexi – this smashed off the post beyond the diving Northop goalie, and everyone stopped as they thought it hit the fence. Everyone other than Grace that is, who collected the ball but was unable to force it past the goalie at the near post. Half time, and plenty of sugary sweets to refuel on. Caitlin, as of yet not called into action, reported that there was a squirrel, and two seagulls.

The second half began, and as predicted we were playing into the sun, but it was a lot less intense as in the first half. This made it harder for Caitlin to spot planes, but she reported excitedly that there were at least two. At the other end of the pitch, we continued to dominate, but as before were having difficulty getting past the 8 or 9 players that were filling Northops defensive end. 5 mins in and Cath earned us a penalty corner by playing a strong pass of a leg. This was too good a chance to waste, with the girls executing their favourite slip left routine to allow Eryn to lift the ball home, giving us a 4 nil lead. There followed a 10 to 15 minute period of repeated free hits for stick tackles, feet, and back sticks, where we couldn’t generate too many chances thanks to the spoiling play. The ball even went near Caitlin, when a speculative Northop driven pass went from their half into the D, but she calmly watched it pass by her, thanks to being yelled at to “pay attention”! That was, until Alice used a bit of brute force to get enough space in the D to drive a shot past the keeper at the near post, giving us an unassailable 5 nil lead. The remainder of the game petered out as everyone became a little tired in the relative heat, but the hard work was already done.

POTM: Chelle for her hat trick

Goal scorers: Chelle x3, Eryn, Alice

Turkey: Tie between Chelle for missing at least 3, Eryn passing to nobody, and Emily for being beaten with many sticks.

Coaching Corner

Terminology you may hear:

Man on / Player on - This is a warning that you (or our player in possession of the ball) has an opposition player in close proximity who is about to attempt a tackle.